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Tuesday, April 7, 2015

Thank You!

My Dear Sweet Precious Friends I can not find the words to thank you for all your heart warming comments and your many prayers. Your words have kept me going these past weeks. I have to say what I have been through just since I wrote you last I honestly can not imagine doing it without knowing you were there beside me.

I appreciate all of you so much and wanted to update you just a little tonight before I go to bed.

It's only been a month since I was told I have Congestive Heart Failure but if you were to visit me or talk to me on the phone you might think that this has been going on a very long time. Considering how fast I have been going down in the last two weeks I wonder if I have had this disease already for a year or more.

My children were able to find me a doctor at the Heart Institute in Austin and last Thursday I kept my appointment. We were surprised that it was hours before I actually got to see the Doctor. I had been feeling worse every day so was happy just to be there knowing maybe I was going to get answers and hopefully help. He visited with us for a long while and then decided that since it had been three weeks since my diagnosis that something else was happening too so he ordered a Heart Cauterization for the next day which was Good Friday.

The next morning we had to be back to the hospital by 5am and the procedure at 7am. Everyone was on schedule and by 9 am I was back in my room. Praise God there was not significant blockage to warrant any stints. Best news but still no answers to why I feel so bad. The Doctor explained he wanted me to come back on April 14th and he would work on setting me up with a Lung Specialist.

Clint and Chad were with me the whole day and I went to recover at Chad's house since I could not climb stairs. The next morning I woke up sicker than a dog and living in the bathroom for the next 12 hours. Chad phoned Clint and poor Clint showed up with Depends and a package of panties. He told us the story of trying to find the right panties not having a clue what to get me and even though I was feeling awful I did manage to laugh. I told him not even I have ever bought depends and how proud I was of him doing this for me.

Christi came by on her way to meet with the Wedding Venue people and was too impressed with her big brothers.

The next morning my stomach had settled down but I started having bad chest pains that would come and go. I didn't know what to think since I had just had the heart test on Friday and this was Sunday.
After hours of the pains coming and going and then jaw hurting, arm hurting along with my back Chad took me back to the hospital emergency room which was all the way across Austin. It wasn't long and Clint was there too.

In a matter of minutes there were ER nurses and techs all over me. I could not believe how fast they ran all the needed test to determine if indeed it was a heart attack. Thank God it was not but the ER Doctor told me he could not explain the pain in my chest.

He then got brutally honest with me and not sure I was ready for what he was saying to us. He let me know in no uncertain words that what I had was a very serious disease and that I would be sick quite often with it. I told him that I was just diagnosed with it and did not expect to be feeling bad every minute of the day. I have no energy and can't do anything with out loosing my breath or lying down for a while..

He said I would not get better in two weeks, one month or two months. That what I had came with a very high Mortality Rate. I needed to just do what the doctor tells me, take my meds and eat a low sodium diet.

I know it's better to be honest with patients but I think he was so cold about it. Maybe he had a long day and was tired or he felt I was being to naive with my disease.

I left the emergency room feeling really down and went back to Chad's. I managed to sleep some of the night and woke up Monday feeling okay.

What I was trying to explain to this ER Doctor was I knew how serious my disease was but I did not expect to be short of breath not able to do hardly anything without having to lay down to rest so soon into this disease. Of course I guess he thought she must not realize she has probably had this for a while.

So I talked the boys into letting me come back home to the North Forty mainly because my cats had been alone for six nights. Long time and I needed to hold my Tinkerbell. She has not been two inches away from me since last night.

I don't know the future no one does. I do know that I am not going to just give up and let this take over until it has taken over. I will do everything I can to get stronger and if it's not meant to be then I will pray for the courage to accept this way of life and live the best I can under the circumstances.

It does scare me to think I could be a lot farther along than I ever imagined with this disease but until I hear that from a specialist then I have hope.

It's just strange that before my visit to the emergency room a month ago I was working two jobs and doing good. Then all of sudden I can't even walk to the mail box or do little chores.

I hope soon I can write a post that is filled with something funny and not about feeling bad.

As always I knew you were waiting like the dear friend you are to hear what's going on. Right now I am just taking one day at a time. I need to go shopping tomorrow and see about a different pair of shoes for the wedding but I dread having to go. It will be here before we know it.

I thought I would be sharing stories of getting ready for the wedding but life has no guarantees so we all just do what we need to do.

You are the best and I love you. Thanks for always being here for me.

God Bless You!

Love to all

Sunday, March 29, 2015

Congestive Heart Failure!

Spring is here! I know many of you are still having some very cold temperature's but hang in there it won't be long and you can enjoy beautiful Azaleas like these. 

For weeks now I have been trying to sit down at my computer and to let you know what is going on in my life since March 8th but I didn't really know how to tell you. 

Sunday three weeks ago today I went outside to move one of the tractors. It was starting to rain again and I wanted to move it to higher ground. I started wheezing and since I had heard wheezing in my chest area the week before I decided to go to the emergency room. I honestly thought I had pneumonia. I was tired all the time and had lost my appetite.
They ran several test and then the emergency room doctor gave me the bad news. He told me I had Congestive Heart Failure. You could of knocked me over with a feather because I had no idea it was my heart. 

A heart doctor was there before I could blink an eye and put a Nitro glycerin patch on my chest and the rest of the day I was sick as a dog.  

In a very short time my three children were by my side and stayed with me for the three days in the hospital. I have always known they loved me but never have I felt more love than I did during this time.

I am home taking it slower and have not returned back to work yet. I keep thinking this is all a bad dream and it will go away but of course then reality slips in and I know it will never go away.

I seem to be in shock and can't grasp it all just yet. I wanted to share this with you weeks before now but like I mentioned I didn't know how to tell you.

Heart problems has a long history in my family especially my mother's side of the family. When I had radiation twenty years ago they told me the radiation would damage a section of my heart and I am wondering if this is why I have this disease besides family history and of course too many pounds over the last few years I am sure has not helped.

After leaving the hospital I honestly thought I would feel better in a week or so but I am weak and can hear the fluid in my chest at times. I have no energy and I pretty much just feel blah most of the time. I would be lying to you if I told you I am not scared. I go to sleep at night wondering if I will see the sunrise the next morning.

My daughter Christi wedding is April 18th and I keep praying that by then I will be stronger because she deserves the prefect day.

Thursday the 2nd I will see a heart doctor in Austin. He is at the Heart Institute there and maybe he can shed more light on all the questions I have about this disease. Reading about it on the internet has absolutely scared me to death. 

It's strange how one day you think your fairly healthy and the next your taking a dozen pills and feel like your time is short. My sweet grandson Bailey writes me text all the time and right after this happened he wrote me "Please Grandma Yellow Hair get well for Me!" It made me cry but I promised him I would.

His dad is after me to move closer to them in Austin. I am of course thinking maybe I should figure out how to make that happen.

Sorry for going on and on about my latest issue. I knew you would want to know and I love you for always being here for me.

Love to All,